White Mischief

In a nutshell: Zayed Khan tries — and tries again, in another version of the ad — to hit on a, um, lifeguard (?). She, on the other hand, is apparently hitting on him too, but in a rather twisted manner she and the ad agency alone understand. He gets her, of course. And we are all so pleased, we rush out to order quarters of White Mischief in the hope of replicating his success with the opposite sex.

Why it sucks: First, a question: Should Zayed Khan really be allowed to star in anything? Really? Shouldn’t he be taken to the nearest field and simply be allowed to graze until retirement? Then again, maybe he just comes at a much, much cheaper rate. Also, considering ad agencies always turn to celebs big and small when they can't come up with original ideas, this makes sense. Cheap actor + no idea = effective con job that client pays for. Now, the ad. Who was the moron who decided to sell us White Mischief in appalling, appalling rhyming couplets? A five-year old could write better copy. Also, a lifeguard? Really? Dudes, you have NO idea who the people drinking White Mischief really are. A little homework first, please.

Possible solution: Apart from showing Zayed the door — thereby giving him more time to complete more godawful movies — there's that possibility of, I don't know, actually rewriting the copy and sacking the nincompoop who came up with the couplets? Also, if the brand manager with a cheap MBA is the one insisting on couplets, maybe he can commission his school-going son or daughter to write the stuff. That, too, will certainly be better written than what is currently on air. Fire the copywriter.