In a nutshell: Abhishek Bachchan adopts one of many variations of his country bumpkin act, to try and con two foreigners into hiring him as a guide. Only thing is, they're deaf. Or dumb. Or both. As he starts to walk away though, they hit upon the all-new concept of an SMS, thrilling him to bits in the process. The history of the Taj Mahal presumably unfolds, one text message at a time, stretching into the next couple of weeks.
Why it sucks: No point commenting on Abhishek Bachchan's fixation with Amitabh Bachchan's style; it's actually the sloppy story that makes this seem so much more ridiculous. Is this an advertisement for Idea Cellular, or for the concept of the SMS? Why would I consider moving to Idea Cellular? Do other operators deny me the SMS feature? This could work against the iPhone perhaps, until it sorts out that forwarding capability. Maybe this ad applies only to those who desperately need a stupid guide and haven't realized — until now — how a short text message can be used to change their lives.
Possible solution: Could Abhishek possibly be made to enumerate why Idea Cellular works better as a service provider? He can continue to play the role of guide if he likes it as much as he appears to, but are the mute tourists necessary? Change that, and there's a real idea. Fire the copywriter.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
White Mischief
In a nutshell: Zayed Khan tries — and tries again, in another version of the ad — to hit on a, um, lifeguard (?). She, on the other hand, is apparently hitting on him too, but in a rather twisted manner she and the ad agency alone understand. He gets her, of course. And we are all so pleased, we rush out to order quarters of White Mischief in the hope of replicating his success with the opposite sex.
Why it sucks: First, a question: Should Zayed Khan really be allowed to star in anything? Really? Shouldn’t he be taken to the nearest field and simply be allowed to graze until retirement? Then again, maybe he just comes at a much, much cheaper rate. Also, considering ad agencies always turn to celebs big and small when they can't come up with original ideas, this makes sense. Cheap actor + no idea = effective con job that client pays for. Now, the ad. Who was the moron who decided to sell us White Mischief in appalling, appalling rhyming couplets? A five-year old could write better copy. Also, a lifeguard? Really? Dudes, you have NO idea who the people drinking White Mischief really are. A little homework first, please.
Possible solution: Apart from showing Zayed the door — thereby giving him more time to complete more godawful movies — there's that possibility of, I don't know, actually rewriting the copy and sacking the nincompoop who came up with the couplets? Also, if the brand manager with a cheap MBA is the one insisting on couplets, maybe he can commission his school-going son or daughter to write the stuff. That, too, will certainly be better written than what is currently on air. Fire the copywriter.
Why it sucks: First, a question: Should Zayed Khan really be allowed to star in anything? Really? Shouldn’t he be taken to the nearest field and simply be allowed to graze until retirement? Then again, maybe he just comes at a much, much cheaper rate. Also, considering ad agencies always turn to celebs big and small when they can't come up with original ideas, this makes sense. Cheap actor + no idea = effective con job that client pays for. Now, the ad. Who was the moron who decided to sell us White Mischief in appalling, appalling rhyming couplets? A five-year old could write better copy. Also, a lifeguard? Really? Dudes, you have NO idea who the people drinking White Mischief really are. A little homework first, please.
Possible solution: Apart from showing Zayed the door — thereby giving him more time to complete more godawful movies — there's that possibility of, I don't know, actually rewriting the copy and sacking the nincompoop who came up with the couplets? Also, if the brand manager with a cheap MBA is the one insisting on couplets, maybe he can commission his school-going son or daughter to write the stuff. That, too, will certainly be better written than what is currently on air. Fire the copywriter.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Rediffmail
In a nutshell: Geek comes across studs harassing girl. Geek tries to intervene, and is rebuffed. Geek logs on to Rediffmail for some reason (clearly the thing to do in times of stress — log on to the Internet) and, um, sends out email. Assuming Geek has contacted a LOT of people very, very quickly, a few thousand turn up to teach studs a lesson. Studs have, conveniently, refused to move to another location.
Why it sucks: Where does one start? With the crappy storyline? You can almost picture the kind of person who would come up with something so stupid — some B-school grad from Jharkhand, desperate to show how savvy he is among contemporaries in the big city. Even bad Hindi films — and there are five out each week — have better sub-plots. Then there's the tacky filmmaking, which makes a very bad idea look magically worse. Why the need to spoon-feed an audience that can grasp things by allusion? Why the childish David-Goliath scenario? And what about practicality? Last time I checked, there were just two non-celebs canvassing votes for ridiculous causes at rediff. I've sent not EK, but DO rediffmail. A few thousand supporters for this blog ought to arrive outside my window any minute....
Possible solution: Is this about promoting a product, or showing how a site is trying to address society's larger needs? Either way, the ad fails to convey what it's supposed to. What about changing the situation from something as inane as eve-teasing to something a little more believable, like an online campaign to knock off an ugly hoarding, or to make sure the number of streetlights are increased. Then, the light can illuminate an otherwise dark room. Message across. Rediffmail bhejke dekho. Until then, this one's a joke. Fire the copywriter.
Why it sucks: Where does one start? With the crappy storyline? You can almost picture the kind of person who would come up with something so stupid — some B-school grad from Jharkhand, desperate to show how savvy he is among contemporaries in the big city. Even bad Hindi films — and there are five out each week — have better sub-plots. Then there's the tacky filmmaking, which makes a very bad idea look magically worse. Why the need to spoon-feed an audience that can grasp things by allusion? Why the childish David-Goliath scenario? And what about practicality? Last time I checked, there were just two non-celebs canvassing votes for ridiculous causes at rediff. I've sent not EK, but DO rediffmail. A few thousand supporters for this blog ought to arrive outside my window any minute....
Possible solution: Is this about promoting a product, or showing how a site is trying to address society's larger needs? Either way, the ad fails to convey what it's supposed to. What about changing the situation from something as inane as eve-teasing to something a little more believable, like an online campaign to knock off an ugly hoarding, or to make sure the number of streetlights are increased. Then, the light can illuminate an otherwise dark room. Message across. Rediffmail bhejke dekho. Until then, this one's a joke. Fire the copywriter.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Chevrolet Aveo
In a nutshell: Saif Ali Khan wants Rani Mukherji, for reasons known only to them both. She doesn't want him, of course. If she did, how would the mock car-chase cliche work? They race around pointlessly, in a brand of car presumably being advertised. When he finally catches up with her, he tries. Again. She drives off. Again. Thankfully, it all ends.
Why it sucks: 'You look like you need coffee,' he tells her, a line that would prompt most women to drive off or, in the absence of their own automobile, run to a rickshaw. In response to a question on how she likes her coffee, she replies,' Alone.' I'm not sure how that reply fits the question. 'How do you take your coffee?' could — and this is stretching it quite a bit — the response, 'Alone.' Then again, why drive around only to come up with a reply that shows no sign of intelligence? Would you want to date a woman this obtuse? And yes, what brand was it again? What do I, the consumer, find out about the car? Is there anything in that long, boring ad that makes me want to buy that particular car? I can't remember the name of the damn thing, for Chrissake, which means I have to wait for the ad in order to find out.
Possible solution: Both actors mouth dialogues from their respective pointless films. Only this time, they mouth them to the car, and tweak the dialogues to incorporate mention of the car's features, so consumers can think about whether they want to consider buying the thing or not. Or, sticking to the same childish storyboard, but giving the poor actors something slightly more intelligent to say, instead of making them both look more stupid than they usually do in advertisements featuring them. Or, dumping both actors and somehow finding a way to talk about THE CAR, considering that's what they're being paid to do in the first place. What was the brand again? Who cares? I'm not waiting for the miserable ad to find out. Fire the copywriter.
Why it sucks: 'You look like you need coffee,' he tells her, a line that would prompt most women to drive off or, in the absence of their own automobile, run to a rickshaw. In response to a question on how she likes her coffee, she replies,' Alone.' I'm not sure how that reply fits the question. 'How do you take your coffee?' could — and this is stretching it quite a bit — the response, 'Alone.' Then again, why drive around only to come up with a reply that shows no sign of intelligence? Would you want to date a woman this obtuse? And yes, what brand was it again? What do I, the consumer, find out about the car? Is there anything in that long, boring ad that makes me want to buy that particular car? I can't remember the name of the damn thing, for Chrissake, which means I have to wait for the ad in order to find out.
Possible solution: Both actors mouth dialogues from their respective pointless films. Only this time, they mouth them to the car, and tweak the dialogues to incorporate mention of the car's features, so consumers can think about whether they want to consider buying the thing or not. Or, sticking to the same childish storyboard, but giving the poor actors something slightly more intelligent to say, instead of making them both look more stupid than they usually do in advertisements featuring them. Or, dumping both actors and somehow finding a way to talk about THE CAR, considering that's what they're being paid to do in the first place. What was the brand again? Who cares? I'm not waiting for the miserable ad to find out. Fire the copywriter.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Pepsi Youngistan?
In a nutshell: Obvious couple Ranbir and Deepika. Scary big brother Shah Rukh who believes in aliens. Ranbir tells him he's from a planet called Youngistan, and is promptly installed in Deepika's room as her bodyguard. He follows this bit of good luck by drinking Pepsi in a can -- like all of India does -- holding it the way the copywriter's parents must have taught their child to do.
Why it sucks: Where does one begin? The inane script? The desperate attempt to replicate 'Yeh Dil Maange More' (which, incidentally, had its own stupidity quotient)? The same look on SRK's face in the seven commercials preceeding this one? The complete inability of the ad to compel one to run out for Pepsi? The sheer lack of intelligence that led to the coining of 'Youngistan'? The atrocious editing that went back and forth three times to establish how dim-witted Ranbir connected 'Young' to 'Istan'? This is a classic example of why a bad filmmaker and worse copywriter can ruin the image of an industry.
Possible solution: You have three of the hottest actors and, presumably, an insane budget to work with. And this is what Pepsi agreed to foot the bill for? Really? Why not use the supposed Saawariya-Om Shanti Om-cold war to your advantage and get the actors to bond over Pepsi? Yes, the ad agency in question would end up making that look inane too, of course, but at least it wouldn't be such a solid slap in the face of viewers with a brain. Fire the copywriter.
Why it sucks: Where does one begin? The inane script? The desperate attempt to replicate 'Yeh Dil Maange More' (which, incidentally, had its own stupidity quotient)? The same look on SRK's face in the seven commercials preceeding this one? The complete inability of the ad to compel one to run out for Pepsi? The sheer lack of intelligence that led to the coining of 'Youngistan'? The atrocious editing that went back and forth three times to establish how dim-witted Ranbir connected 'Young' to 'Istan'? This is a classic example of why a bad filmmaker and worse copywriter can ruin the image of an industry.
Possible solution: You have three of the hottest actors and, presumably, an insane budget to work with. And this is what Pepsi agreed to foot the bill for? Really? Why not use the supposed Saawariya-Om Shanti Om-cold war to your advantage and get the actors to bond over Pepsi? Yes, the ad agency in question would end up making that look inane too, of course, but at least it wouldn't be such a solid slap in the face of viewers with a brain. Fire the copywriter.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Do we really need copywriters?
Picture, if you will, a world devoid of them. Imagine switching on your television sets each evening to find quality programming (a whole other wish, of course) and advertising that doesn't make you roll your eyes.
Imagine commercials that do not constantly relegate women to the kitchen (like Indian advertisements do), commercials that do not use the same script to sell everything from detergent to cars (like Indian advertisements do), commercials that do not assume the viewer is a complete moron (like Indian advertisements do) or do not fall back on using the same five celebrities to hawk a product (um, like Indian advertisements do).
Maybe it isn't the fault of copywriters, of course. Maybe they have a point when they complain, with rather boring regularly, that it's the clients who demand the celebs and the clichés. Maybe it's the clients who need help (and yes, if they hold MBAs from some pointless Indian institute or another, they certainly do). Maybe one needs to get off one's high horse and ignore Indian advertising as merely the product of talentless individuals with a poor education.
One could. But, then again, one is still entitled to dream. Until the day they sack copywriters or, better still, pay them what they're actually worth (i.e. around two hundred bucks a month), it doesn't hurt to keep dreaming.
Imagine commercials that do not constantly relegate women to the kitchen (like Indian advertisements do), commercials that do not use the same script to sell everything from detergent to cars (like Indian advertisements do), commercials that do not assume the viewer is a complete moron (like Indian advertisements do) or do not fall back on using the same five celebrities to hawk a product (um, like Indian advertisements do).
Maybe it isn't the fault of copywriters, of course. Maybe they have a point when they complain, with rather boring regularly, that it's the clients who demand the celebs and the clichés. Maybe it's the clients who need help (and yes, if they hold MBAs from some pointless Indian institute or another, they certainly do). Maybe one needs to get off one's high horse and ignore Indian advertising as merely the product of talentless individuals with a poor education.
One could. But, then again, one is still entitled to dream. Until the day they sack copywriters or, better still, pay them what they're actually worth (i.e. around two hundred bucks a month), it doesn't hurt to keep dreaming.
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